© Colonne / Canva

This one is for Angela - Digging for diamonds in the dirt...

There’s an old saying: “Every cloud has a silver lining.” And, if you ask me, this might just be the mantra that gets hopeless romantics into the most trouble. Somewhere along the way, we became treasure hunters, believing that every person—even the most questionable ones—must have a little nugget of goodness hiding deep inside.

He’s emotionally unavailable, but hey, he texted back that one time! She’s a walking red flag, but she has so much potential! Suddenly, we’re not dating people; we’re adopting fixer-upper projects.

The Allure of the "Bad Ones"

Why are we so drawn to the ones who clearly come with a warning label? It’s like we see a storm brewing on the horizon and think, I can totally weather that. Maybe it’s the challenge. The idea that we’ll be the one who changes them, who brings out their hidden potential, who turns their chaos into calm. It doesn’t help that pop culture feeds this narrative like candy. From brooding, misunderstood vampires (looking at you, Edward Cullen) to bad boys with soft centers (cue every rom-com ever), we’re taught that love is supposed to be complicated. If they’re emotionally distant, it just means you have to work harder to earn their affection, right? Wrong.

The Myth of the Hidden Good

Here’s the truth: not every bad one has hidden good. Sometimes, bad is just…bad. But admitting that feels like giving up. And we, modern-day knights in shining armor, don’t give up. We like to romanticize the struggle. Finding good in the bad feels noble, almost heroic. It’s the emotional equivalent of digging through a dumpster for a treasure chest. Spoiler alert: you’re more likely to find last week’s leftovers than a pot of gold. But why are we so desperate to dig? Because deep down, finding good in the bad validates our own choices. It makes the heartbreak feel worth it. If there’s a glimmer of good, then the time, energy, and emotional labor we invested weren’t wasted.

Love Isn’t a Rehab Center

Here’s a hard pill to swallow: your job isn’t to save anyone. Love isn’t a rehab center, and you’re not a therapist (unless, of course, you are—but even then, don’t take your work home). When we focus on fixing someone, we lose sight of what we truly deserve: someone who doesn’t need fixing at all. We’ve all been there. The guy who doesn’t text back but makes you feel electric when he does. The girl who’s emotionally unavailable but throws just enough breadcrumbs to keep you following her trail. It’s intoxicating. It’s addictive. And it’s exhausting.

The Good Ones Don’t Need a Treasure Map

Here’s the thing about truly good people: they don’t hide their goodness like it’s some buried secret. They wear it openly, without games or riddles. The good ones aren’t perfect, but they don’t make you dig for scraps of kindness. But the good ones don’t always feel exciting. They don’t spark the same adrenaline rush as the bad ones. And that’s where we need to retrain ourselves. Because love shouldn’t feel like a gamble; it should feel like coming home. At the end of the day, trying to find good in the bad ones is like trying to water a plastic plant. You can pour your heart into it, but it’s not going to grow. So, next time you catch yourself staring at a metaphorical red flag and thinking, But maybe…, remind yourself: you’re not a treasure hunter, and they’re not a diamond in the rough. Stop looking for silver linings in storm clouds when there’s a sunny day waiting just around the corner.

Because you deserve better than potential. You deserve real.

Want to speak about something precisely?

Just tell me, I'll (or we ?) write about it...

You might want to read...