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This one’s for Carla and Makena—they’re your ex for a reason.

Falling in love with an ex is like trying to reheat fries in the microwave—it feels like a good idea, but it never hits the same. Yet here you are, staring at old photos, rereading texts, and wondering if they’re really as bad as your best friend said. Spoiler: they were. But hey, we’ve all been there.

We’ve all been there. That gut-wrenching, slow-motion moment when you realize you’re still in love with someone who’s probably out there “finding themselves” (aka liking someone else’s Instagram pictures). It’s okay. Being stuck in this emotional purgatory doesn’t mean you’re pathetic—it just means you’re human. But let me tell you right now, I’m not the friend who’s going to pat you on the back and say, “You two were perfect together! Maybe he’s your soulmate and just needs time to come back!” No, honey. If you want someone to cheerlead your emotional masochism, look elsewhere. Instead, I’m here to give you the loving (and slightly sassy) nudge you need to move on.

Here's how:

Delete, Block, Repeat

Keeping tabs on your ex’s life is like watching reruns of a show that got canceled for a reason. Do yourself a favor—delete their number, block their socials, and, for the love of all things holy, stop checking their Spotify playlists to see if they're sad. (They’re not.)

Romanticize Your Own Life

You know all those Pinterest boards and TikToks about “main character energy”? That’s your vibe now. Buy yourself flowers, take yourself out to dinner, and play "I Will Survive" on repeat. Falling in love with yourself is way more satisfying than falling for someone who ghosted you.

Talk It Out (But Set a Time Limit)

It’s okay to vent to your friends, but don’t let your ex become the main character in your group chats forever. Set a time limit—like 10 minutes of full-on ugly crying and obsessing—and then move on to lighter topics, like whether Pete Davidson has an actual girlfriend waiting list.

Make a "Why It Didn't Work" List

When nostalgia strikes and you find yourself missing their laugh or the way they always folded pizza in half, whip out a pen and paper. List all the reasons it didn’t work—the fights, the red flags, the questionable text messages from “just a friend.” Trust me, you’ll snap out of it faster than you can say, “What was I thinking?”

Stop Romanticizing the Past

The past wasn’t perfect; it just looks that way through the rose-colored glasses of loneliness. Remember, your ex isn’t the one who got away—they’re the one who let you go. Don’t build a shrine to a relationship that only worked in theory.

Date Yourself Before Anyone Else

The only rebound you need is with yourself. Explore new hobbies, travel solo, or finally take that pole dancing class you’ve been curious about. Falling in love with your life is the best revenge—and trust me, it’s way more satisfying than texting, “U up?” at 2 a.m.

Realize It’s Okay to Feel This Way

Heartbreak is a universal rite of passage. Everyone has that one ex they can’t stop thinking about—for a while, at least. You’re not broken, and you’re certainly not alone. The important thing is to acknowledge the feelings and then choose not to let them control you.

While it’s tempting to replay the highlights reel of your relationship like it’s the Titanic of your love life, remember—Jack didn’t have to drown, and neither do you. It’s okay to miss them. It’s okay to love them. But it’s not okay to stay stuck. The only way to find your happily-ever-after is to leave your could’ve-been behind. Now go—be fabulous, be fierce, and never let anyone make you question your worth again.

As for your ex? Let them watch your glow-up from the sidelines.

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