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This one’s for Francisca and Marie —it’s a superpower.

They say love is a battlefield, but for those of us who are emotionally available, it feels more like playing dodgeball in the dark. You’re standing there, wide open, ready to catch the ball—heart on your sleeve and hope in your chest—only to realize the ball isn’t even coming your way. Instead, the emotionally unavailable people you’re drawn to walk off the court entirely, leaving you wondering if you even know the rules of this game called love.

And yet, we keep showing up. Open. Vulnerable. Ready to love, or at least willing to try. But when every attempt ends with a shrug, a ghost, or a “sorry, I’m just not looking for anything serious right now,” it’s easy to feel like the problem isn’t them—it’s you. And I couldn't help but wonder: Is being emotionally available a disease?

The Seduction of the Unavailable

Let’s get one thing straight: emotionally unavailable people are an enigma, wrapped in mystery, sprinkled with just enough charm to keep you coming back for more. They’re the human equivalent of a designer handbag on a high shelf—beautiful, unattainable, and wildly impractical for your lifestyle. You convince yourself that if you could just get your hands on them, everything would fall into place.

One of you shared, “I always go for unavailable guys—either they don’t like me, they’re leaving in a few months, or they really don’t like me lol.” Sound familiar? You’re not alone. It’s not that we’re masochists; it’s that we’re addicted to the thrill of possibility. The high of “maybe,” the drama of “what if.” There’s something intoxicating about chasing someone who feels just out of reach. But let’s be real: emotionally unavailable people aren’t some exciting challenge to conquer. They’re a locked door, and you’re standing there with a key that doesn’t fit.

When Obsession Disguises Itself as Love

Let’s address the other elephant in the room: obsession. Because if we’re honest with ourselves, sometimes the allure isn’t even the person—it’s the drama we create around them. The endless overthinking, the text analysis, the way they consume 90% of your thoughts when you’ve barely spoken. Is it love, or is it the storyline you’ve constructed in your head, starring you as the tragic heroine waiting for a breakthrough moment that never comes?

Sometimes, it’s not the person we’re chasing—it’s the feeling. The butterflies. The uncertainty. The bittersweet ache of infatuation that feels like it might tip over into love if you just wait a little longer. But here’s the kicker: that feeling isn’t love—it’s chaos. And if chaos is all you’ve known, it’s easy to mistake it for passion.

One of you admitted, “Do I really want a relationship? Or do I just crave the sadness and heartbreak that comes with it?” It’s a tough question, but an important one. Sometimes we’re not chasing love—we’re chasing the emotional high that comes with heartbreak. The drama, the tears, the catharsis. And until we untangle those feelings, we’re going to keep repeating the same patterns, falling for the same unavailable people, and wondering why love always seems just out of reach.

How to Stay Open Without Losing Yourself

On the flip side, there are those of us who desperately want to open up but feel like the world isn’t meeting us halfway. “I just want to open up to someone,” another of you shared, “but how do you do that when everyone is a jerk?”

First of all, not everyone is a jerk. I know it feels that way when you’ve had a string of bad luck, but the problem isn’t the world—it’s who we let into ours. Being emotionally available doesn’t mean offering your heart to every passerby. It’s about being open while also being discerning. It’s about recognizing the red flags early on and walking away instead of hanging on, hoping they’ll change.

Opening up to someone starts with a decision: stop romanticizing emotional unavailability. We’ve all been there—turning the bare minimum into a grand romantic gesture, convincing ourselves that if we just wait a little longer, they’ll see how amazing we are. But darling, someone who’s ready for love won’t make you wait. They won’t make you guess. They’ll meet you where you are, with no games, no hesitation, no locked doors.

Being emotionally available isn’t a weakness—it’s your strength. It means you’re brave enough to feel, vulnerable enough to hope, and resilient enough to keep going even when your heart gets bruised. But it also means you have to protect that strength. Because while love is worth fighting for, it shouldn’t feel like a battle every single time.

The right person won’t feel like a challenge—they’ll feel like home.

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