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This one’s for Carla, Ainar, Anna and Lennart, —love is a journey.

Sometimes the hardest goodbyes aren’t to a person, but to the idea of them. The person they could’ve been. The relationship that almost was. The fantasy you built in your head, so full of hope, potential, and the belief that maybe, just maybe, with a little more time, things could’ve worked.

But reality, as brutal as it can be, often steps in with a different script. And while logic tells us it’s time to move on, our hearts stay tangled in the “what ifs.” I get it. I’ve been there. And based on the messages you’ve shared, it seems like we all have at some point. Whether it’s mourning the person you thought would love you forever, or grappling with feelings for someone you never really had, it’s a universal ache. The truth is, the hardest part isn’t always losing them—it’s losing the vision of what could’ve been.

Mourning the "What Could’ve Been"

It’s not easy to let go of something you never had. The potential was intoxicating. You envisioned the best parts of them blending seamlessly with the life you wanted to build together. Maybe they made you laugh, made you feel seen, or gave you butterflies with every text. And when it ended, you weren’t just mourning their absence; you were mourning the future you had painted in your head. Sometimes, the version of them in your mind isn’t even who they are in real life. It’s an idealized version, shaped by your hopes and their occasional glimpses of effort. You saw a glimpse of what could be, and that hope became the hardest thing to let go of. Maybe you weren’t officially together, but you felt something. Or perhaps you were, and they couldn’t meet you halfway. The details don’t matter as much as the lingering feeling of being robbed of a love story that seemed so close to happening.

Why It’s So Hard to Let Go

Here’s the thing: these guys weren’t perfect. Far from it. But the versions of them that live in your head? They’re flawless. When you think about them, you don’t remember the distance, the dishonesty, or the emotional unavailability. You remember the moments when they made you laugh, the butterflies you felt when you saw their name pop up on your phone, the potential you believed in. You weren’t just in love with them—you were in love with the idea of what they could’ve been. And letting go of that idea feels like giving up on a dream.

How to Move Forward

It’s okay to admit you built them up in your head, turning the little they gave you into a masterpiece. But the truth is, the person who ghosted, lied, or couldn’t commit isn’t who you need. Acknowledge how they fell short, grieve the "almost," and let go of the future you imagined. Write a letter you’ll never send, pour out everything, then shift your focus. This wasn’t a reflection of your worth but a sign they weren’t right for you. Replace habits like stalking their socials with something productive—call a friend, journal, or explore a passion. Remember, they were just chapters in your story, not the whole plot. Focus on building a life that excites you, and soon, the “what ifs” will fade into the background.

The Big Picture

Letting go of the “what ifs” is hard because they represent hope. And hope is one of the most difficult things to release. But here’s the truth: you deserve more than a relationship based on potential. You deserve someone who shows up, commits, and loves you in real life—not just in your imagination. One day, you’ll realize that the space you gave to this “idea” could be filled with someone who actually deserves it. Someone who doesn’t make you wonder or wait or feel like you’re not enough. Until then, be kind to yourself. Letting go is a process, but every step you take is a step closer to the happiness you deserve.

Because the right love story isn’t about “what could’ve been.” It’s about what is. And when it arrives, you won’t have to imagine a thing.

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