The Three Great Loves Theory

JUST ASKINGLOVE

Victoria Guillou

11/19/2024

© Colonne / Canva

This one’s for Sayra—love is a journey.

They say love comes in stages, but what if I told you it’s more like a trilogy? Not the kind where the sequels get progressively worse, but the kind where each part feels like its own masterpiece—messy, chaotic, but utterly unforgettable.

According to an old theory that Sayra reminded me of, we all experience three principal loves in our lives: the first love, the massive heartbreaker, and the real deal. Each plays a unique role in shaping who we are, almost like cosmic stepping stones to The One. But let me warn you, darling: this theory isn’t all romance and roses. It’s filled with drama, tears, and lessons you never signed up for.

Act One: The First Love – The Sparkler

The first love is like the starter pack of romance. It’s shiny, new, and makes you feel things you didn’t even know were possible. It’s the love that introduces you to the dizzying highs of infatuation, where even their most annoying habits seem like adorable quirks. You meet this person when your heart is a blank slate, and suddenly, everything feels like it’s written in poetry. Every glance feels electric, every text message sends you spiraling into a giddy frenzy, and every song on the radio becomes your song. This is the love that makes you believe in soulmates, fate, and happily-ever-afters.

But here’s the catch: first loves are rarely forever. They’re like fireworks on New Year’s Eve—magical in the moment, but fleeting. And when it ends, it feels like the end of the world. You cry into your pillow, play Adele on repeat, and dramatically swear off love forever. Spoiler alert: you don’t. The first love teaches you what it’s like to open your heart for the first time. It’s less about them and more about you discovering your capacity to love. And while it’s beautiful, it’s also often naïve. The truth is, first loves are meant to be your training wheels, not your final ride.

Act Two: The Massive Heartbreaker – The Hurricane

If the first love is a sparkler, the second love is a full-blown firestorm. It’s fiery, passionate, and completely overwhelming. This is the love that keeps you up at night, pacing your room, trying to decode their text messages like they’re written in hieroglyphics. This love isn’t about comfort—it’s about intensity. The heartbreaker enters your life like a hurricane, sweeping you off your feet and leaving nothing untouched. You find yourself so consumed by them that you forget where they end and you begin. And that, my dear, is where the trouble starts.

This love burns brightly, but it’s unsustainable. They’re not just a person; they’re a lesson wrapped in heartbreak. This is the love that teaches you the hard truths: that passion alone isn’t enough, that love doesn’t mean sacrificing yourself, and that not everyone who enters your life is meant to stay. When it ends—and it will—it feels like you’ll never recover. You’ll cry in public bathrooms, write angry texts you’ll never send, and maybe even consider a rebound or two. But slowly, you’ll pick yourself up. And when you do, you’ll realize that the heartbreaker wasn’t your soulmate—they were your wake-up call.

Act Three: The Last Love – The Real Deal

And then, when you least expect it, the third love arrives. Unlike the first two, this one doesn’t come with fireworks or hurricanes. It doesn’t sweep you off your feet—it grounds you. This is the love that feels like coming home. By now, you’ve been through enough to know what you want—and more importantly, what you don’t. You’ve learned that love isn’t about losing yourself; it’s about finding someone who celebrates exactly who you are.

The last love isn’t perfect, but it’s real. It’s less about grand gestures and more about the quiet moments: cooking dinner together, laughing at inside jokes, and supporting each other through life’s chaos. They see your flaws, your quirks, and your late-night existential crises, and they choose you anyway. This love isn’t about fixing each other—it’s about growing together. It’s about building a partnership that lasts because you’ve both done the work to be ready for it.

What If You’re Still Waiting?

Now, before you panic and start wondering which act you’re currently starring in, let me remind you of something: the timeline isn’t set in stone. Some people find their last love before they’ve even met the heartbreaker. Others cycle through the second act more times than they care to admit (guilty). The beauty of this theory isn’t in its predictability—it’s in its ability to remind us that every love matters. Each one shapes us, chiseling away the parts of ourselves that no longer serve us, until we’re ready to embrace the love we deserve.

So, if you’re still nursing a broken heart or waiting for your lighthouse to appear, take comfort in knowing that love is a journey. And whether you’re on your first, second, or third chapter, remember this: the best love stories are the ones that surprise us.

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