© Colonne / Canva

This one is for Lucia—I guess, we all feel that way?

I was scrolling through TikTok the other day—because, let’s be honest, what else am I supposed to do while waiting for my pasta to boil?—when I stumbled upon a video. A girl, effortlessly cool in an oversized sweater, sipped her oat milk latte and declared, “Ugh, I just hate men.” The comments section? A flood of “Same, girl” and “Men are literally the worst.”

And I have to admit, I get it. The phrase I hate men has become a cultural moment, a shared wink between women who’ve spent one too many nights dissecting an emotionally unavailable situationship over wine. It’s a rallying cry, a coping mechanism, a way to turn collective frustration into something… dare I say, fun?

But as I sat there, twirling my fork in my now-overcooked pasta, I asked myself: Do we actually hate men, or do we just hate what they get away with?

The Fine Line Between Venting and Reality

Saying I hate men doesn’t actually mean we despise every human being with a Y chromosome. We don’t walk into a coffee shop and immediately glare at the guy ordering an Americano like he personally invented the patriarchy (well, maybe some days). It’s not about individual men—it’s about the system that makes men the default, the prize, the ones who get to play by different rules. Because let’s face it: dating in the modern world is exhausting. The emotional labor women put in? Off the charts. The fear of walking home alone at night? A daily reality. The balancing act of being strong and independent but not too much? A full-time job. Meanwhile, men can ghost us, disappoint us, mansplain to us, and still get away with writing a two-sentence text three weeks later like “Hey, sorry I was busy. U up?” And somehow, we’re expected to forgive, forget, and respond with a cute emoji. So, is it really men we hate? Or is it the double standards, the entitlement, the fact that we still live in a world where we have to work twice as hard for half the credit?

Can Men Handle the Energy They Created?

Here’s where it gets interesting—men love to complain about how women hate them now, but let’s rewind for a second. Who taught us this skepticism? Who turned love into an extreme sport where we have to dodge red flags like we’re in the Hunger Games? The same guys who roll their eyes at I hate men are often the ones who’ve spent years playing the game with zero consequences. They were fine when women were told to be chill and not ask for too much. They loved the era of Cool Girl Syndrome, where we were expected to be low-maintenance, laugh at their bad jokes, and never, ever demand clarity on what we were.

But now that women are calling it out? Now that we’re saying, Actually, I’d rather be alone than waste my time on your bare-minimum nonsense ? Suddenly, we’re the villains. Suddenly, men are victims of unfair generalizations. Here’s the thing: men set the stage for this energy. Women just finally decided to stop playing the fool.

But Wait… Do We Still Love Them?

But even in our most ugh, men moments, we still fall for them. We still swoon over fictional love interests who chase after us in the rain. We still cry when a guy texts, I miss you, even though we swore we wouldn’t care. We still dream about someone who gets us, who chooses us, who doesn’t leave us analyzing their every action like we’re decoding the Da Vinci Code. The truth is, we don’t want to hate men. We want to believe in them. We want them to do better. So maybe, instead of saying I hate men, what we really mean is, I hate that I keep expecting more from them and getting less.

The Real Takeaway

The culture of “I hate men” isn’t about actual hatred—it’s about frustration, disappointment, and centuries of built-up exhaustion. It’s a way for women to bond over shared experiences, to reclaim some power in a world that so often tries to strip it away. But deep down, we still want men to rise to the occasion. To be better partners, better friends, better allies. To listen instead of dismiss. To take accountability instead of making excuses. To see us as equals instead of accessories. Because the truth is, I don’t hate men. I hate how easy it is for them to not try.

And if that ever changes? Well, maybe we can finally retire the phrase. But until then… pass the wine, and let’s talk about it.

Want to speak about something precisely?

Just tell me, I'll (or we ?) write about it...

You might want to read...