Why Do We Keep Dating the Same Guy?

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Not to say I’m a maneater (trust me, I’m not), but I’ve been through my fair share of relationships, situationships, and all the emotional roller coasters in between. And here’s the kicker: despite the heartbreak and the inevitable chaos that comes with it, I keep coming back for more. Maybe it’s the excitement, or maybe I just like setting myself up for drama. But somewhere along the way, I’ve noticed something unsettling—every guy I date feels like a rerun of the last. They don’t look the same, sure, but they are the same, in all the ways that matter.

Here’s the weird part—I’m not alone in this. My friends seem to have caught the same bug, falling for the men who guarantee them a love story with a tragic ending. It’s like we’re drawn to these relationships that are doomed to fail from the start. So, the real question is: are we crazy? Or are we just caught in some cosmic loop, destined to date the same person over and over again? There’s an undeniable pattern many of us seem to follow: we meet someone new, get caught up in the honeymoon phase, and then—bam!—we realize we’ve fallen for someone who checks all the same dysfunctional boxes as the last. So, why does this happen?

Many of us fall into the pattern of dating the same type of person, despite knowing how it will end, because there's a comfort in familiarity, even if the relationship is toxic. The predictability, while damaging, feels like home and provides a sense of safety. Often, we haven't fully resolved emotional patterns from past relationships, which leads us to seek validation from emotionally unavailable partners or try to "fix" someone. On top of that, the thrill of the chase—especially with distant or mysterious partners—keeps us hooked, convincing ourselves that this time, things will be different, even though they rarely are.

Now, the million-dollar question: are we just setting ourselves up for failure? It sure seems like it. By continually dating the same type of guy (and let's be real for a second, I’m not mentioning women here because we’re all amazing), we’re putting ourselves on the same emotional treadmill, exhausting ourselves without ever really moving forward. In some cases, this behavior can be a form of self-sabotage. If we know deep down that the relationship is bound to fail, maybe it’s easier than getting vulnerable with someone who could actually make us happy. It’s like a preemptive strike on our own happiness—we choose the person who is wrong for us because it feels safer than risking real emotional investment in someone who could treat us right.

Are we crazy for falling into the same trap over and over again? Maybe a little. But more than anything, it’s human. We crave love, connection, and validation, and sometimes that leads us back to the same kind of people who we think can give us what we need—only to be disappointed once again. The key to breaking the cycle isn’t just about avoiding the wrong person, but about becoming the right person for yourself. When we start loving ourselves enough to demand more—more respect, more kindness, more stability—we’ll stop settling for the same old heartbreak.

So, are we really dating the same person over and over again? If we’re honest with ourselves—yeah, maybe we are. But the good news is, we have the power to break the pattern and start attracting the kind of love that doesn’t come with the same old baggage. And who knows? Maybe the next chapter will be the love story we’ve been waiting for.

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