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This one is for Gaspar - Start small.

There’s a certain kind of prison that doesn’t come with metal bars or a warden in a uniform. No, this prison is much sneakier. It’s built brick by brick with every hesitant "yes" when your heart screamed "no." It’s crafted from guilt, fear, and a desperate desire to avoid rocking the boat. The catch? You’re not just the inmate—you’re the architect, the guard, and sometimes the one who keeps forgetting where the keys are.

The “Yes” That Locks the Door

Let’s talk about the relationships we stay in, long after the expiration date is staring us in the face like curdled milk. We tell ourselves we’re being kind, considerate, selfless. But if we’re honest, staying in something that no longer fits isn’t kind to anyone. It’s like wearing shoes that pinch, convincing yourself you’ll break them in, while your toes scream for mercy. I once stayed in a relationship where every “I love you” felt less like a confession and more like an apology. I didn’t want to hurt his feelings, and, truthfully, I wasn’t sure if I could face the loneliness that might come after. So, I kept saying yes. Yes to dates that bored me, yes to conversations that felt like a lecture, yes to a future I didn’t want. Saying no felt like stepping into a storm without an umbrella, so I stayed in the drizzle.

When Comfort Becomes a Cage

It’s not just relationships. Sometimes it’s the parties we don’t want to attend, the favors we don’t want to grant, or the jobs we don’t want to keep. We’re trained, especially as women, to be agreeable, accommodating, and adaptable. But at what cost? I once agreed to water my neighbor’s miniature rainforest while she was away, even though I’ve managed to kill every houseplant I’ve ever owned. Why? Because I couldn’t bring myself to say no. By day three, I was drenched in sweat from hauling watering cans, and the plants looked at me with more judgment than my last ex. It wasn’t their fault, of course. I was the one who couldn’t utter a simple, guilt-free no. Comfort zones can be deceptively cozy until you realize they’re just padded cells. We stay in situations because they’re familiar, because they’re safe, or because saying no feels like a betrayal. But every yes that betrays your true feelings tightens the chains, until one day, you look around and realize you’ve built yourself a prison out of politeness.

The Power of No

The word no is tiny but mighty. It’s like the friend who tells you your outfit isn’t working—not because they want to hurt you, but because they know you deserve better. No is freedom. It’s self-respect wrapped in two little letters. Learning to say no isn’t easy, especially when you’re a chronic people-pleaser. At first, it feels rude, selfish, even cruel. You might worry about what others will think, about burning bridges, or about being labeled difficult. But here’s the thing: people who truly care about you won’t leave because you set a boundary. And the ones who do? Well, maybe they were just in your life to teach you how to value yourself. Say no to the third Netflix episode when your body is begging for sleep. Say no to the coworker who always dumps their work on you. Say no to the relationship, the event, the expectation that makes you feel small.

Breaking Out

Here’s the real plot twist: the door to your self-made prison is never locked. It just takes courage to push it open. Saying no doesn’t make you a villain; it makes you honest. And honesty, even when it’s uncomfortable, is the ultimate form of self-love. So, to all my fellow inmates of politeness and over-commitment: it’s time to jailbreak. Life is too short to live as a shadow of yourself, too precious to be spent pleasing everyone but you.

Remember, no isn’t rejection—it’s redirection. And sometimes, saying no to others is the most beautiful way of saying yes to yourself.

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