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This one is for Eva and Victoria (not me lol)- Well, I did...

The other day, I did something that would make many of my friends dramatically gasp. I made the first move. And no, I’m not talking about liking a guy’s photo from 2017 and hoping he picks up the hint. I mean a real move. The bold, slightly insane kind that makes you question your own emotional stability.

I saw a man — strikingly handsome, charming in that quiet, mysterious way. I didn’t know his name. I didn’t know a single thing about him, really. But I knew I’d regret it forever if I didn’t try. So I found out his last name (no, I won’t say how — a woman has her secrets), discovered he wasn’t on social media, and, with absolutely no safety net, I sent him an email. Yes. An email.

Is Making the First Move Empowering — or Risky?

We met. We talked. He was lovely. But — and here’s the twist in the tale — we had absolutely nothing in common. No spark. No shared rhythm. No cosmic click. Just two polite people sipping Gin and politely agreeing that this wasn’t it. Still, the experience stayed with me. Not because of him, but because of what it brought up in me.

Is making the first move as a woman ever a good idea? Or is it, as some would say, handing over all your power and dignity on a silver platter? Let’s get something straight: I’m speaking here from a heterosexual lens, because that’s my experience. I imagine queer relationships have different rules, different rhythms — and I would love to know more about those dynamics. But when it comes to women and men, this idea of who should make the first move feels... loaded.

For generations, men have been taught to chase, pursue, initiate. It’s all part of the fairytale — he sees her, he falls for her, he wins her over. Cue the orchestra. So when a woman dares to step outside the script and says, “Hey, I like you,” it can feel like she’s breaking some unspoken rule. Disrupting the chase. Damaging the fantasy. But is she really? Or is she just rewriting a story that desperately needed an update?

The Judgment (and Curiosity) of Others

Some of my girlfriends were horrified when I told them what I’d done.
“You did what?”
“I would never message a man first.”
“If he’s interested, he’ll come to you.”

Their concern was loving — and protective. Because we’ve all seen what happens when women give too much and get too little. We’ve all felt the sting of silence after a brave message. We’ve all danced that delicate dance between being confident and being “too much.”

And yet — some of the men I spoke to about it were surprised in the best way.
“That’s bold.”
“That’s refreshing.”
“That would 100% catch my attention.”

Maybe It’s Not Chasing — It’s Choosing

So maybe we’re not chasing — maybe we’re simply reaching. Maybe there’s something wildly romantic about showing up for your own desire. About choosing curiosity over ego. About saying, “I’d rather know than wonder forever.” Because the truth is, if I hadn’t messaged that guy, I would’ve kept imagining him as this mysterious fantasy man. I would’ve turned him into “the one that got away” when, in reality, he was just “the one who didn’t click.” And that’s important to know. There’s a freedom in the knowing — in the courage it takes to try and the clarity it gives when something isn’t right.

Final Answer? Go for It.

I didn’t find love, but I did find something far better: peace. The kind that comes from choosing action over silence. So… should women make the first move?

Here’s my answer:
Make it if you want to.
Make it if your heart’s nudging you toward it.
Make it not because you’re chasing someone else — but because you’re choosing yourself.

Sure, your ego might take a hit if it doesn’t work out. But your ego isn’t supposed to be steering the ship anyway. Your heart is. And who knows? Maybe he doesn’t respond. Maybe he’s not interested. Maybe you have nothing in common. But maybe — just maybe — it’s the beginning of something unforgettable. And if not? At least you’ll never have to sit around wondering, What if I’d said something? You’ll know.

And there’s nothing more powerful than that.

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