Why Are Men Waiting for Us to Make the First Move?

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This one’s for Andrea, Victoria and Eva —honestly, what happened...

I remember a time when men pursued women like they were the last slice of pizza at a party—no hesitation, no second-guessing. There was a chase, a game of cat and mouse that was, frankly, exhilarating. You’d walk into a room, and the way they looked at you said, "I'm going to make you mine," with the subtlety of a season finale cliffhanger.

But somewhere between the rise of dating apps and the pandemic, things shifted. Suddenly, the pursuit seemed to vanish, and I was left wondering: What happened to the men who would write love letters, plan grand gestures, and risk it all for a chance at love? Now, it seems like men want to be persuaded, not pursued. They’re waiting for us to make the first move, throw out the hints, craft the perfect text message with just the right amount of flirtation, all while maintaining the illusion that they’re too cool to care.

I’ll admit it—there was something thrilling about the old-fashioned pursuit. There was mystery, excitement, and that feeling of being chosen. But now? Now, it’s like I’m auditioning for the role of "His Perfect Match" in a show that never gets picked up by Netflix. Why the change? Is it that men are afraid of rejection? I can’t help but wonder if today’s dating landscape has made them a little gun-shy. After all, when swiping right feels more like a game of chance than a genuine connection, no one wants to be the guy who ends up in the rejection pile. So instead of stepping up to the plate, they wait for us to hit the ball.

But there’s another, more positive angle to this shift. Maybe, just maybe, it’s because men are recognizing the power of vulnerability. It’s the 21st century, and gone are the days when men are expected to be the stoic, unfeeling warriors of old. In today’s world, emotional openness is in. They’re not waiting for us to make the first move because they’re lazy or uninterested—they’re waiting because they want to feel invited. They want to know that we’re interested, too, that we’re emotionally available and ready to engage. It’s not about being passive; it’s about being mutual.

There’s something refreshingly modern about this approach. Gone are the rigid gender roles where men are expected to do all the chasing, and women are expected to just sit back and wait. It’s about equality—both sides putting in the effort to make sure the other knows they’re on the same page. In a way, it’s the ultimate test of modern romance: two people confidently making the first move, and meeting somewhere in the middle.

Maybe men have learned that making the first move isn’t always about showing strength, but showing interest. They’re waiting for the green light, the unspoken invitation that says, “Yes, I’m here. Let’s see where this goes.” And isn’t that kind of sweet? But here’s the real kicker—men don’t seem to realize that a little chase never hurt anyone. In fact, it was part of the fun. If you’re always the one waiting, how will you ever know what it feels like to deserve someone who will go the distance for you?

Ladies, it’s time to flip the script. Let’s stop doing all the work. We deserve to be pursued again, to feel like we’re not just an option, but the prize. It’s about time the pendulum swung back. After all, why should we be the ones doing all the persuading when they’re the ones who started the game?

So, let’s raise a glass to the days when men knew how to chase, and here’s hoping they remember how to do it again before we all get too tired of leading the charge.

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