"Hi girl! I recently broke up with a guy because he said he was in love with me, and I didn’t feel the same way. But now, I feel like I’m suffering from the breakup much more than he is, and I’m honestly left speechless by the audacity men sometimes have."
Luisa

Every other week, I explore your questions on love, life, and the moments that stay with you. Looking for advice? Share your story with me here.

You know exactly the kind of man I’m talking about. The one who spends three weeks acting like you’re the love of his life. He texts constantly, plans dates in advance, tells you things so intense you almost start wondering what your future children would look like. One minute he’s saying, “I can totally see myself with you long term,” and the next, he suddenly becomes the busiest man alive.

Apparently, between Tuesday and Thursday, his workload transformed him from devoted lover to exhausted corporate soldier fighting for survival in the trenches of Excel spreadsheets. Convenient. Then comes the classic line: “I think we should slow things down, I’m just really overwhelmed right now.” Ah yes, the modern translation of “I’m emotionally unavailable but still want access to you later.” And because we are mature, evolved women, we let them go. We pretend we’re not confused even though two days earlier he was practically planning your wedding playlist over spicy margaritas. We smile, act unbothered, and tell our friends, “Honestly, I think he’s just not ready.” Which is probably true. But still annoying.

The funny thing about ghosters, though, is that they never really disappear forever. They always come back. Always. Like emotionally confused pigeons. Usually right when you’ve finally forgotten them. Two months later, when you’re thriving, looking good, and no longer checking their profile like an FBI agent, suddenly your Instagram story gets a like. Then another. And then comes the message. “Hey… I’ve been thinking about you.” Oh, have you? Fascinating. Because where exactly were those thoughts when you vanished for eight business weeks without answering my text? And of course, like any sane woman, you immediately send a screenshot to the group chat. Because some experiences are simply too absurd to process alone. Your friends respond exactly as they should. Outrage. Disbelief. Three laughing emojis. One “the audacity.” Another “why are men like this?” Honestly, the group chat is one of feminism’s greatest achievements.

The thing is, ghosters don’t come back because they suddenly had an emotional awakening under the moonlight. They come back because they assume access to you is permanent. They think enough time has passed for you to forget the disrespect. And unfortunately for them, women heal, but we also remember. What fascinates me most is the confidence. The absolute cinematic confidence of sending “I miss you” after disappearing like a Victorian child lost at sea. As if we were all just sitting dramatically by the window waiting for their return.

But here’s the good news: once you’ve experienced this type of man enough times, you stop romanticizing the comeback. You realize that consistency is actually sexy. Communication is sexy. Stability is sexy. And suddenly, “Hey stranger” stops feeling exciting and starts feeling embarrassing. Mostly for them.

So if a ghost from your dating past suddenly slides back into your life, just remember this: not every sequel deserves a second season...