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This one’s for Beate, María, Loti, Farah, Timea and Jayden—letting them go is okay!

When we think of heartbreak, we picture epic love affairs, late-night phone calls, and that bottomless pit feeling after a breakup. But here’s the real heartbreak nobody prepares you for: breaking up with a best friend. You expect to lose romantic relationships, but your ride-or-die? Your “only other person who gets your inside jokes”? We’re talking Category Five emotional hurricane.

In the love world, we’ve got all sorts of advice for surviving breakups. Books, podcasts, movies where someone inevitably gets drunk on tequila and texts their ex. But where’s the survival guide for friendship breakups? The end of a friendship doesn’t come with roadmaps, closure talks, or the ceremonial returning of hoodies. It’s like one day you’re each other’s daily check-ins, and the next? Silence.

The Betrayal Blind Spot

Let’s start with the dreaded friendship betrayal. It sneaks up on you like a well-disguised pair of cheap shoes—you think it’s all good until, bam, you’re left with a blister. You’ve probably been there: you spill your heart, she spills your secrets. Or maybe you’re that loyal friend who would run across town at 2 a.m. if she needed a shoulder to cry on, but when you need her? Suddenly, she’s “so busy.”

The signs are usually there, even if we choose to ignore them. Like when my friend’s mom used to say, “You can spot fake friends just like a bad haircut—right away and unfortunately too late.” Sure, some of us might need a sign on a Times Square billboard, but hey, we’re only human. We want to believe in our friends, that their loyalty matches our own.

The Other Woman in the Room

So here’s the funny thing about friendship breakups: they’re almost worse than a breakup with an actual partner. When you break up with a boyfriend, you can look back and say, “He just wasn’t my type,” or “His idea of romance was rewatching the same show over and over.” But when it’s a best friend? You start questioning yourself. Was I expecting too much? Am I the one with friendship commitment issues? And, trust me, friends are often way harder to replace than lovers—especially the ones who already know your deepest, darkest secrets (and your most embarrassing stories).

Should You Stay or Should You Go?

When you’re the one holding onto the loyalty stick, it’s easy to wonder if maybe you’re just a little bit too high-maintenance. After all, doesn’t everyone have a friend who might flake or fail a loyalty test every now and then? But here’s the thing: loyalty in a friendship isn’t like ordering extra guac—it’s not an optional add-on. If they can’t show up for you in the ways you need, it’s time to question if they’re worth the space in your emotional inbox.

Ask yourself, “Would I want to be friends with this person if I met them today?” If the answer is “absolutely not,” then there you go. You’re probably holding on out of habit or memories of who they used to be, not who they are now. Or worse, you're staying because of how much you've invested in them emotionally. But relationships are like stocks—just because you invested in a bad one doesn’t mean you should hold onto it forever.

Protecting Your Peace

At some point, it’s about protecting your peace. You can either continue playing BFF therapist or step away and focus on friends who actually add to your life. Sure, you might feel a pang of guilt (we all do, especially if you’ve been the giver in the friendship), but peace is priceless. You deserve friends who respect your boundaries, your secrets, and most importantly, you.

Sometimes we outgrow people, not because we’re better than them but because we’re growing in different directions. And that’s okay! So let go, make space, and be open to friendships that will truly light you up without draining your emotional energy. And if you ever find yourself wondering why you’re so much better at managing friend breakups than love ones, just remember: friendship is, in its own way, a love affair—only without the roses and candlelit dinners.

Remember, just like that old pair of jeans that no longer fits, some friendships just don’t belong in your life anymore. And while you might mourn the loss, take a deep breath, sip your wine, and move on. Because, darling, if your ex-bestie wasn’t helping you shine, it’s time to upgrade to people who actually do.

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