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This one is for Zoë - Is female desire always up for debate?

If sex is the universal language, then why does it feel like men and women are speaking entirely different dialects? For centuries, society has spun a narrative that sex means one thing for men—pleasure, freedom, the casual pursuit of satisfaction—and something entirely different for women. Women, we’re told, don’t (or shouldn’t) crave sex the way men do. For us, it’s about love, connection, and—oh, the irony—responsibility.

But is that really true? Or is it just another age-old excuse to shame women for doing exactly what men are celebrated for?

The Great Divide

Let’s start with the stereotypes. Men, according to every locker-room joke and rom-com trope, are biologically wired to want sex all the time. They’re visual creatures, hunters, and yes, sometimes, absolute cavemen when it comes to self-control. Women, on the other hand, are painted as reluctant gatekeepers, only indulging in sex when there’s a deeper emotional connection—or when they’re trying to lock down a relationship. This divide isn’t just annoying; it’s dangerous. It perpetuates the idea that women’s sexuality is less about their own desire and more about how it serves others. For men, sex is a hobby, a pastime, even a badge of honor. For women, it’s loaded with meaning. And if it’s not? Well, then she must be damaged, delusional, or not respecting herself.

The Emotional Myth

There’s this lingering belief that women can’t have casual sex without getting emotionally attached, as if every orgasm comes with a complimentary Hallmark card and a wedding hashtag. But here’s the truth: plenty of women can—and do—enjoy sex for the sheer physical pleasure of it. They’re not falling in love after every hookup or planning their future with someone just because they shared a bed. So why does this myth persist? It’s simple: control. If society convinces women that their worth is tied to their sexual restraint, it keeps them in check. A man with a high body count is a legend; a woman is a liability. It’s not about biology; it’s about power.

The Reality of Judgment

Of course, even in 2025, there’s a real risk that comes with being a sexually open woman: judgment. A man who’s unapologetically active in his sex life is living his best life. A woman who does the same is labeled reckless, promiscuous, or irresponsible. It’s exhausting, isn’t it? To constantly walk the line between owning your desires and dodging the labels society slaps on you for doing so. Women are left in a damned-if-you-do, damned-if-you-don’t dilemma. Be too conservative, and you’re boring or a prude. Be too adventurous, and you’re “not girlfriend material.” And let’s not even get started on the people who claim to be “progressive” but still cling to these tired ideas. Even in spaces that claim to champion equality, women are often shamed for wanting the same freedoms men have always enjoyed.

The Real Question

Does sex actually mean something different for women? Maybe, but not for the reasons society would have you believe. For some women, sex is deeply tied to emotions and connection—and that’s valid. For others, it’s about exploration, fun, and embracing their bodies—and that’s valid too. The truth is, sex means different things to different people, regardless of gender. The problem isn’t the meaning; it’s the expectation that one gender’s experience should fit into a neat little box. What if we stopped asking why women and men experience sex differently and started asking why society insists on defining those experiences for us?

Owning Your Narrative

Here’s the deal: your relationship with sex is yours and yours alone. Whether it’s sacred, casual, or somewhere in between, the only person who gets to define its meaning is you. We need to stop treating sex as a moral litmus test, especially for women. Your worth isn’t tied to the number of people you’ve slept with—or haven’t. Your ability to feel or not feel something during a casual encounter doesn’t make you more or less deserving of respect. Because at the end of the day, sex isn’t the problem. The problem is a culture that can’t handle women enjoying it on their own terms.

So, the next time someone tries to tell you that sex means something “different” for women, remember this: it doesn’t have to. Unless, of course, you decide that it does. After all, the only definition that matters is the one you write yourself.

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