"Maybe I can be my own soulmate, but can my best friends be too? It makes me think about the iconic quote Charlotte said in Sex and the City: « Maybe we could be each other’s soulmates, and then we could let men be just these great, nice guys to have fun with.»"
Chemi

Every other week, I explore your questions on love, life, and the moments that stay with you. Looking for advice? Share your story with me here.

I think one of the biggest lies we’ve ever been sold is that soulmates automatically have to be romantic. That somewhere out there, there’s one perfect person designed specifically for us, usually wearing a nice coat and carrying emotional damage, and once we find them, everything suddenly makes sense. Very cute in theory. Slightly less convincing in real life.

Personally, I’m not sure soulmates are always linked to romance at all. In fact, if I really think about the people who know me the deepest, who understand me without explanation, who have witnessed every dramatic, embarrassing, emotional version of myself… it’s usually my friends. Not the men I’ve dated.

Because let’s be honest, some romantic relationships barely survive six months, while certain friendships survive everything. Bad decisions. Career crises. Terrible haircuts. Toxic exes. Emotional meltdowns at 2 a.m. Your friends are the people who hear the same story fifteen times and still answer the phone anyway. That feels a lot like soulmate behavior to me.

And yet, we always treat romantic love as if it matters more. Which is funny when you think about how quickly people throw the word “soulmate” around. Someone dates a man for four months and suddenly it’s, “I think he’s my soulmate.” Meanwhile their best friend has spent ten years helping them rebuild their life after every heartbreak imaginable.

Interesting.

I also think we’ve added this strange perfection to the soulmate idea, as if soulmate relationships are supposed to be easy, magical, and free of conflict. But the strongest relationships in life, romantic or not, usually require patience, communication, forgiveness, and effort. Soulmates are not perfect people. They’re people who feel like home.

And sometimes home is not a boyfriend. Sometimes it’s the friend who knows exactly what your silence means. The person you call before anyone else. The one who sits with you on the bathroom floor while you cry over someone who absolutely did not deserve that level of sadness.

Honestly, I find that idea kind of comforting. It means love exists in more places than we think it does. Not just in romance, but in friendship, loyalty, consistency, and presence.

So no, I don’t think soulmates are necessarily romantic. Sometimes the real loves of our lives are simply the people who stay.

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