Is There a Silent War Between Couples and Singles?

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We all know at least one happily single person in our circle, as well as one who’s desperately searching for someone to accompany them to every brunch spot in the city on Sundays. Just as you’ve likely been the third wheel for a couple you’re sure will be married by the end of the year, and for another that probably should’ve split up at least two years ago (for my close friends reading this, please don’t try to guess who’s who, I beg you). No matter the age, there are people who prefer the solo life, and others who, on the contrary, only see the world through four eyes. For some, being a happy single is a sign of immaturity, while others believe that couples who’ve been together for over a decade will never know what “real life” is like. In fact, they’re making a HUGE mistake by committing to their partner.

The debate here isn’t about which lifestyle wins. I’m not here to argue for or against the single life versus life as a couple. Everyone is free to live as they wish, without us having a say. My question concerns the potential animosity that might exist between these two extremes, with no other reason than prejudice. Is there a silent war between couples and singles?

It’s no secret that at a certain age, being single becomes a problem for others. And that’s when the divide grows, making it nearly impossible for one side to interact with the other without trying to convert them. “But you’ll see, he’s perfect for you! And we all love him…” vs. “So, you’re not coming out with us because you’d rather stay with her? You’ll regret what you’re missing out on…” Singles become a species to avoid—devils of endless fun—while couples are on the lookout for another duo to join them for outings, which are apparently much more fun with four than with just two, or, even worse, with only three...

This might sound like a cliché, exaggerated even, but rest assured, this is all happening in silence. It’s rare for someone to be blunt enough to tell you to your face that you’re not as fun to hang out with anymore because no one sees you without your partner. Just as no one’s going to tell you that you’re not invited to tonight’s drinks because “you’d feel a little out of place…”

Have you ever lost a friendship because that person found the love of their life, and as they said, “you don’t build a family with friends”? Some might understand this choice (likely because they’d make the same decision if love knocked on their door), while others find it absurd and can’t comprehend how someone could switch camps so quickly. This is likely the exact moment when the secret war begins.

Because, in truth, it’s not that hard to figure out what fuels those who despise people in love and those who disdain proudly single individuals. In both cases, it’s about losing those we thought belonged to us. Whether it’s that friend who’s no longer available or the loved one who, in the end, decides they don’t want to stay with you. This silent war has different ways of concluding. The couple lasts, they’re still together years later, and it becomes hard to hold a grudge against those who’ve found the simple happiness of life as a pair. Or the couple splits, and as the saying goes, “one person’s misery is another person’s joy.” Some might call it karma, while others welcome the heartbroken with open arms, ready to pick up the pieces.

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