If Your Closet Could Talk, What Would It Say?
FASHION
Victoria Guillou
10/10/2024
© Colonne / Pinterest / Dorothea Schroder
Let’s face it—our closets see it all. They bear witness to our late-night shopping binges, last-minute outfit panics, and the quiet shame of neglected wardrobe pieces still sporting tags. But what if, just for a moment, your closet could actually talk? What truths would it reveal about your fashion habits, and would you even want to hear them?
They'll say...
"Really? Another Pair of Black Boots?"
Your closet’s first comment would probably be about your apparent love affair with black boots. Seriously, how many pairs does one person need? There's the pair with the chunky heel, the sleek ankle boot, the combat-style, and that one pair that you haven’t worn in three years but might still come in handy someday. If your closet had a voice, it would probably ask you to mix things up once in a while—maybe something not black? (Just a suggestion!)
"Hey, Remember Me? The Dress You Bought 'Just in Case'?"
Ah, the just in case dress. The one you bought because, obviously, one day there will be a formal event where you’ll need a floor-length sequined gown, and you just didn’t want to be unprepared. Your closet would probably like to remind you that said event has yet to happen, and in the meantime, that dress has been collecting dust for the better part of three years. Maybe it’s time to reevaluate what “just in case” really means?
"Please, Stop Shoving Stuff In Here!"
Closets are meant to be homes for your beloved clothes, not a black hole of forgotten items. Your closet might beg for some breathing room. It’s suffocating under piles of mismatched socks, crumpled t-shirts, and that one coat you swear you’ll get dry-cleaned soon. Imagine if your closet could organize itself—what a dream that would be.
"Are We Really Doing This Trend Again?"
Every few seasons, a trend comes back that we all collectively vowed to never repeat—yet here we are, embracing it like an old friend. Your closet would likely roll its eyes at your rediscovery of ‘90s chokers, low-rise jeans, or oversized blazers that make you look like you raided your dad’s wardrobe. “We’ve been here before,” it might say. “Are you sure this is the vibe?”
"Why Do You Keep Wearing the Same Five Things?"
Your closet would absolutely call you out on the fact that, despite having a wardrobe full of options, you rotate between the same five pieces. Maybe it’s your favorite oversized sweater, those high-waisted jeans that make you feel like you’ve got your life together, or the leggings you swear are just for lounging but have somehow become a daily staple. Your closet is bursting with outfits waiting to be worn, yet you seem to have a uniform—and it’s a little concerned.
"Can We Talk About the Hangers Situation?"
Let’s not even get started on the mess of mismatched hangers—some from the store, some wire, a few velvet ones you tried to be fancy with. Your closet might have some strong opinions on the inconsistency of it all. How can it give you its best when it’s tangled up in a mess of metal and plastic? Consider this a gentle nudge to invest in some matching hangers (your closet will thank you).
"I See the Shopping Bags—Do You Think I Don’t Notice?"
If your closet had eyes, it would definitely spot those new shopping bags sitting on the floor, waiting to be unpacked. “More?” it would ask incredulously. Your closet knows your spending habits better than you do and is probably just as confused as you are about where all these clothes are going to fit. But hey, there’s always room for one more jacket, right?
"Donate, Sell, or Store—Just Do Something!"
Let’s be real—your closet is holding onto a lot of history. But if it could speak, it would encourage you to let go of those pieces that don’t serve you anymore. That sweater from 2012 that’s two sizes too small? The jeans you swore you’d fit into again someday? Your closet wants a little decluttering love. Donate it, sell it, or store it—just make some space for the new.
