How Much Does Career Come Before Love?

© Colonne / IMDb

When I was 16, I was convinced that I would always put my career before any relationship, and I judged, without shame, those who chose the opposite. "How can you put someone before yourself?" I’d say. Keep in mind, I had just had my heart broken, and, as I mentioned, I was 16. But I held on to that mindset for a long time, even though the years passed and, thankfully, my heart had healed. Now, as a young woman in my mid-twenties, when I listen to the conversations around me, here’s what I hear the most: "purchases," "investment," "family life," "promotion," "he’s an idiot," "what does he bring to your life anyway?", "did you hear she’s pregnant?", "it’s crazy, she stayed here for him, even though she had so much potential...", "he moved across the world for her? What a mistake." And the list goes on.

I’ve come to realize that the thought that’s been brewing in my mind since I was 16 is a real issue in today’s relationships. So, how much does one's career come before their love life? Generally, two distinct groups emerge. There are those who believe a relationship will never be worth more than a long-desired position in the working world, and those who, on the contrary, decide to climb the ranks of love itself. You might be tempted to say that the first group has never truly experienced love and will change their minds once they do. To which, it's easy to counter with the number of breakups that occur because someone put their life on hold for too long, allowing the other to move forward.

We’re often told, "listen to your heart." But in a generation where individualism continues to gain ground, where everyone is the master of their own life and decisions, does love truly have a place? Has self-love become the enemy of love for two? Do we prefer our work colleagues over the friend we see every day? In our grandparents' time, this taboo question would have never crossed their lips, even though it repeated endlessly in their minds. But today, it’s nearly unthinkable not to discuss it with your partner. And even if we could. If we made the choice to start fresh elsewhere, simply because the person we love is leaving without saying goodbye. Would they have the courage to do the same for me? If the roles were reversed, would they love me as much as I love them? Because yes, leaving means believing that the other person’s love is enough to make me happy.

But in this day and age, where we want everything right now, where if you’re not making €2,500 net a month straight out of school, it’s not even worth thinking about, where we prefer to eat in front of our phones rather than with our coworkers during lunch break "because we didn’t come here to socialize", where finding a job is tough because companies post openings only to hire "a friend of a friend who was recommended" without even reading a résumé, where trusting your partner sometimes requires enormous strength because we’ve been hurt so many times before, where everyone is surprised to have fleeting love stories, yet that same world views potential partners as adversaries...

Career or love? Today, I’m no longer 16, and I don’t judge those who prioritize their relationship over their professional life. But I don’t underestimate those who work day and night instead of spending those nights wrapped up in bed, either. When two career-driven people can’t build a future together because of a lack of compromise, are two romantics missing a bit of ambition? Perhaps those hungry for money and power need the love-drunk romantics... and vice versa.

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