"Why do we say we hate men, they’re all the same and not to trust them, but at the same time, crave something romantic with them, knowing that they’re just going to disappoint or hurt you. "
Valeria

Every other week, I explore your questions on love, life, and the moments that stay with you. Looking for advice? Share your story with me here.

I think “I hate men” has become less of a serious statement and more of a collective coping mechanism. Like emotional shorthand for: I am exhausted. Because let’s be honest, most women are not walking around genuinely despising every man they see. We still fall in love. We still romanticize eye contact with strangers. We still lose our minds when a man sends one emotionally competent text after six business days of silence. Clearly hope is still alive unfortunately.

What women actually seem tired of is the imbalance. The emotional labor. The mixed signals. The way dating can sometimes feel like a full-time psychological experiment where women are expected to communicate perfectly while also pretending not to care too much.

I also think men sometimes misunderstand the phrase completely. When women joke about hating men, it’s usually frustration directed at patterns, not individual people. The ghosting. The lack of accountability. The bare minimum being treated like revolutionary behavior. The emotional unavailability somehow packaged as mystery and charm.

And honestly? A lot of this frustration didn’t appear out of nowhere. Women spent years being told to be “cool girls.” Low-maintenance, understanding, never too emotional, never asking for clarity, never expecting too much. So now that women are finally saying, “Actually, no, this behavior is exhausting,” suddenly everyone is shocked by the tone.

But here’s the funny part: despite all the “ugh men” conversations, most women still want love. We don’t actually want to hate men. We want to trust them more easily. We want consistency to stop feeling rare. We want emotional intelligence to become normal instead of deeply attractive simply because it’s uncommon.

So no, I don’t think women hate men. I think women hate disappointment. They hate constantly lowering expectations. They hate giving softness in a world that often rewards emotional laziness. And honestly? Those are two very different things.

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