"In terms of us women taking the lead and talking to a potential love interest, I think a lot of us struggle with the same thing. When there’s a vibe between you and a guy, sometimes our ego convinces us that he might like us, but the moment we think about actually doing something about it, we chicken out and assume it’s all in our heads, even when the signs seem real. So how would you handle this situation? Especially if the guy is a complete stranger who keeps stealing glances and seems interested in getting to know you, but never actually makes a move?"
Maria

Every other week, I explore your questions on love, life, and the moments that stay with you. Looking for advice? Share your story with me here.

I think a lot of women secretly live the exact same scenario. You notice a guy looking at you. Then again. Then suddenly there’s this strange little tension every time you’re in the same room. Eye contact starts lasting a second too long, you catch him smiling, your friends start whispering, “Okay wait… he definitely likes you.” And yet absolutely nothing happens.

Because the second we think about actually doing something, our confidence disappears completely. We convince ourselves we imagined the whole thing. Maybe he’s just friendly. Maybe he looks at everyone like that. Maybe he’s literally just staring into space and we’ve turned it into a full romantic subplot in our heads.

I honestly think women are often taught to wait. Wait for the text. Wait for the approach. Wait for the man to “choose” us first. So when we actually feel attraction toward someone, especially a stranger, making the first move can feel terrifying because suddenly rejection becomes real. As long as nobody says anything, we can still live inside the fantasy of “what if.”

Men are shy too. I know, shocking. We love acting like every man walks around with the confidence of a 2000s rom-com lead, but a lot of them are just as scared of rejection as we are. Sometimes he keeps looking because he hopes you’ll make it easier for him.

And honestly? I don’t think making the first move is embarrassing anymore. What’s actually embarrassing is letting potentially beautiful moments pass because both people are too afraid to speak.

Now, do I think you should confess your love dramatically to a stranger after three eye contacts and one shared elevator ride? Probably not. But I do think small moves matter. A smile. A conversation starter. An excuse to interact. We always imagine “making the first move” has to be this huge cinematic declaration, when sometimes it’s literally just saying hi first.

Also, if a man is interested, there will usually be some kind of response. Effort invites effort. You should never have to perform emotional gymnastics to force a connection into existence. But I think women underestimate how attractive confidence actually is. Not arrogance. Not desperation. Just confidence. The ability to say, “I’m interested, and that’s not humiliating.”

Because at the end of the day, rejection lasts a few minutes. Regret lasts much longer. And personally, I’d rather cringe for ten seconds than spend six months wondering what could’ve happened with the guy who kept looking at me across the room.

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